I AM 30 YEARS OLD!
This feels like a most significant + juicy milestone.
For me, growing older feels like a deepening - it feels like I am becoming more myself without reservation, appreciating more fully the hilarious beauty of life and developing (barely) more tolerance for being in dark uncomfortable unknowns.
It is mostly super delicious!
In particular, turning 30 years old has made me thoughtful of who I am and where I am at presently. I am acutely aware of this because my traditional, Vietnamese family has had a mild mourning period for who they hoped I would be at this point. It looks something like this: married, own a car, own a condo, thinking about having kids and/or furthering my career.
I don't abhor any of that at all! Heck, after years of public transit I think it would be lovely + desirable to have a car. But here's the thing: those aspirations are not mine at this moment. None of those things lights me up right now.
Except the career thing.
Questions of what to do for work, of how to put my passions + skills to service and convert it to abundance - that lights me up. The career thing overlaps with my questions of economy, meaning, life + soul purpose. The career thing intertwines itself with my ponderings of how I want to spend my days.
This has been a question on my mind, ever since I had my OMG-hide-under-the-covers-from-anxiety-career-aspirations meltdown last September.
In the pit of dark uncertainty and loss of knowing who I wanted to be, I permitted myself to ask the question: if money / time / circumstance were no object, what would I want to do with my life?
Do you know what came up?
I want to be a courtesan! I want to a geisha for the 21st century!
I want to repossess the archetype of the independent, intellectual, artistic and deeply valued emblem of feminine power in contemporary society.
No big deal :)
Upon hearing myself I giggled and sat in wonderment. Truly. What an interesting desire. I researched this - what does it mean to be a courtesan in the 21st century? What kind of courtesan would I want to be and why?
Here's the thing: I loved the intellectual / artistic dedication aspect of the courtesan role. I am all for that. My biggest stumbling block? In the 21st century the word courtesan is basically a euphemism for expensive sex-worker. Well shoot. I am not interested in exchanging my sexuality for money - could I still be a courtesan?
In November 2012 the answer was no.
Less than a year later, I am delighted to tell you that I have changed my mind. The answer is YES, I can be a courtesan and I can be a courtesan any way I want because I am a renegade courtesan!
So here in lies my newest entrepreneurial adventure: for my 30th birthday, in which I declare myself a grown-up, I hereby embark on the journey to become Joan Trinh Pham
Go check it out + keep your eyes on it; it will also and blossom soon with more words and pictures as I get into the rich texture of this new role. YUM :)
30 Years Old.
Embarking on the adventure of a lifetime: to be a Renegade Courtesan, a uniquely sexy nerd girl for the 21st century. FUCKING FUN :)
Thank you for witnessing, dear friends + lovers!
I've declared my intentions to the Universe, now it's time to go dance + celebrate.
With all of my love,
Post script sharing
- Top Left: "Your dream job does not exist. You must create it." ON IT.
- Top Right: September 2012 sketchbook journal, the first sparkling realization that I desired to be courtesan. Combining my essential nature of genteel vitality, sacred / profane + dirty / divine
- Middle Left: More journaling, November 2012 during Living the New Economy Conference. Declaring aspirations to be a meta-artist (social artist = my most beautiful art / work is my life) and to live in a radically authentic, transparent way. Blogging is a means to do this.
- Middle Centre: "Care more about being precisely who you are than what other people think of you." Truthbomb from www.daniellelaporte.com
- Middle Right: September 2013 illuminated wisdom "You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete." - Buckminster Fuller
- Bottom Left: Vision board September 2012 - what moves + inspires me. Definitely has a courtesan feel yo.
- Bottom Right: August 2012 sketch from my journal - shortly after my rainbow monarch butterfly tattooed. Note to self: when tattooing a symbol of transformation on oneself, be prepared to go for a heck of a fun transformative ride :)