Hello lovelies!
This particular blog post has taken me some time to compose.  
How does one articulate a profound and transformative 10 day learning process into a succinct and expressive summary blog post?

It sure beats me :)  I will do my best!

It was an immersive 10 day training in which I learned a simple + powerful tool to gently examine negative, limiting subconscious patterns that were blocking my true expression, polluting my wants / desires and best of all, release these tapes that no longer served me.

I marvel at this work: 

Truly, it occurred to me that I was learning an amazing and powerful tool to clear the path between the head and heart.  To me, connecting the heart + head means to open up one's heart, with its joys, desires + vulnerabilities in combination with accepting + cultivating awareness of one's mind.  To do these two things brings profound empowerment because clarity + awareness allow for free choices + authentic expression.

To illustrate this specifically, I would like to share with you my own story:

These are my notes from today's class. 

In analyzing my one fingerprints, I have discovered that I'm a 10 whorl person.  This indicates that my school of specialization in life is service.  In fact, it appears that I'm doing some kind of a PhD in service as my life purpose and lessons are all in ... you guessed it, service. My 10-whorl pattern is a unique one that comes with an ancient Chinese name: "Lone Tree on the Plain."  Part of what makes it unique is that my particular twist on service PhD is the fact that I have to find my path to service by mastering selfishness.  This explains a lot :)

What's more is that if you examine the picture, you'll see that I actually have a tattoo on my little left pinky finger of the symbol for a whorl.

I got this tattoo in 2011 for significant reasons. This is the alchemical symbol for the sun, chosen to represent the necessity of renewing agreements and refreshing communications in relationship.  As it turns out, I discovered just a couple weeks ago that it is also the symbol for stillpoint in cranial sacral therapy which delighted me.  Today, in class as I went to the board to transcribe my own code and realized that I had a tattoo of my code on my pinky I felt a shiver and whoop of delight wave through me.  This little symbol, for me, confirms that I am right where I need to be at this very moment, learning about my life purpose of service to others and the planet being equally as important to serving myself.  Thanks hand analysis and best of all, thank you, gorgeous and hilarious Universe for sending me this awesome love note of confirmation.  Yes, I get it:  keep pursuing my allurements, no matter how funky or "unreasonable."  Life is amazing.

Thank you for sharing this gorgeous moment with me :)
With all my love,

HAH!  
Funny coincidence it is, this is one of my most favorite + resonant quotes:

What a fantastic program!  I thoroughly enjoyed learning about this super interesting therapy and as someone new to body work, I found the Langara Program to be super supportive and helpful.  Upon my program completion this past weekend I was extremely heartened to know that I had completed 125 hours of clinical work in addition to all my study and practice time.

Best of all, I had the great joy of working on two people as case studies.  These two super guinea pigs saw me for a series of treatments (5-6 sessions) over the span of two months.  It was an amazing learning process for both of us as we were all delighted to discover first hand that cranial sacral therapy was indeed an effective therapy in the case pain and decreased function secondary to suspected herniated disc and chronic fatigue exacerbated by a concussion.  For me it was very gratifying to observe effects that lasted beyond a single treatment.

I am most definitely going to continue to practice!  I plan on having a home-based, part-time practice starting late summer / early autumn.  I will be moving to a new home in mid-July to set up the space for this.  I am filled with gratitude to have a room of my own and for my live well / die awesome / celebrate headquarters :)

Hoping you yield to the magnet of your passions too,

I used to resist curiosity because it was scary to face unknowns.  Little teeny tiny experiments at a time have proven to me that this illustrated wisdom is true.

Mommy Pham + The Case of the Displaced Lobster 
is a story of a conversation that happened today.  

Actually, it is still an unsolved mystery.  My story is an attempt to share and capture a conversation I had with Mommy this morning, sprinkled with comments from my sister via text through out the day.  

Before I jump into the story, I have to introduce you, dear blog readers, to two women of central importance in my life:  my dear mother, also known as Mommy Pham and my dear sister Janine Pham.

Here they are:

My mother is one of the most important people in the world to me.  She is equal parts bad-ass-does-what-she-wants mischevious mofo and tenderhearted muffin.  She's got a sharp wit and she can be obstinately stubborn / infuriating.  She also is one of the most generous and good-hearted people that has ever walked God's good green earth.  She is the most important, dearly valued teacher in my life.  One of my biggest and most beautiful personal challenges is to love her as well as she loves me.

There is a Vietnamese saying, one of her many favorites, that my mom chirps off at choice teachable moments that goes something like "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."  In my case that is so true:  she's given me all the best parts of myself.  I am sweet fruit because my mom is one hell of a tree.  I love our relationship and how it continues to grow.  I will likely write about her repeatedly, sharing short anecdotes of tenderness and hilarity.  I will do this because my mom is awesome.  Mommy Pham can also be shy about meeting new people (yet contrarily has no qualms about mouthing off strangers who have sassed her) so many of you will not likely ever get to meet her.  This is a great travesty so I will attempt to make amends by sharing her awesome :)

Background:
My mom keeps pet blue crayfish, (procamabrus alleni or orconectes immunis). She calls them her "lobsters" and she is fascinated by their behaviour.  Lobster tank politics and updates on the cycle of births and deaths are regular topics of conversation.

Here are a few pictures of Mommy's tank:

Here is a gorgeous up-close picture of a blue crayfish from http://www.coronadogringo.blogspot.com.

Here is my dear Mommy's hand, holding a recently deceased long-time member of the tank.

When the "lobsters" die, none of us can really bear to just throw the little creatures out, least of all Mommy.  As a result, the freezer becomes a kind of morgue / sacred holding tomb.  Mommy tosses them out / flushes them when she is ready to, which is any where from days to weeks after the fact.  

Today's Morning Conversation

Me:  Hello Mommy, how's it going?
Mommy:  Oh I'm glad you called.  I was going to call you, I have to ask you something.  Do you have a moment?

[At this point I'm a little alarmed and on guard; Mommy always tells me how something is going to roll out, she never asks permission.]

Me:   Sure Mommy ...
Mommy:  Did you take one of my lobsters out of the tank and bring it downstairs to the laundry room sink the other day?
Me:  [Aghast] No Mommy!  Why would I do that?
Mommy:  [Sounding relieved] Oh good, I'm sure it wasn't you.  Now to ask John ... but I bet it's that Ni ... (short for Janine)
Me:  [Confused] Wait wait, hold on a second Mommy.  What happened?
Mommy:  [Excitedly] Well I went down to the laundry room the other day and I found one of my lobsters in the laundry room sink!  Thank goodness he was still moving around so I brought him back upstairs and put him back in the tank.  [Now voice escalates in wonder with a note of disbelief / anger] Who would do such a thing?  Bring lobster downstairs and leave him like that?
Me:  Oh my gosh Mommy I have NO idea.  That sounds bizarre!  Do you think you did some sleep walking and moved the lobster downstairs by accident?
Mommy:  [Firm exasperation] NO!  Why would I do a thing like that?
Me:  Well I dunno Mommy, why would anyone move your lobster???
Mommy:  That's what I was thinking.  Your dad definitely didn't.
Me:  What do you think happened then Mommy?
Mommy:  [Suspicious]  Well I asked your sister and she said she didn't.  But I don't know. Who else in the house would do it?
Me:  [Aghast and in shock, again]  Why in the world would Janine do it Mommy?
Mommy:  [Defensive and conspiratorial]  Why would any one do such a thing?? Take a helpless lobster out of its tank and just put it in the sink.  Why would anyone do that??
Me: I have no idea Mommy.
Mommy:  Okay, well I didn't think you did it.  

...and then we changed gears in our topic of conversation and continued to discuss wonderfully mundane and normal things, like borrowing the car.  In utter mystification (and a lot of tickle) I texted my sister:

Me:  << Did you relocate Mommy's prawn to the downstairs laundry sink? >>
Sister:  << NO. She's been accusing me of it for the last couple of days! >>

Hilarious.
Tonight I hung out with Janine and asked her about it again.  My sister finds the situation mildly exasperating, rather than amusing as my mom has singled her out to be the primary suspect in lobster relocation.  

Sister:  You know what she said to me when I told her I didn't do it?  She backed off, looked at me coolly and said "Okay okay!  Alright, you can say what you want to me but really, it's between you, that lobster and God."

I love my Mommy.
With chuckling love,

A couple days ago my sister made a Game of Thrones style coat of arms on the HBO show site.  It is funny because it is true.  

My family is full of the polite and intelligent-think-for-yourself shit-disturbers. They are incredibly brave, migrating twice over a couple of generations to uphold their values, save their own lives and seek better futures.  The first time was from North to South within their own country; the second migration was from Vietnam to Canada.  Both were fraught with danger.  I would love to write about my family and introduce them to you all.  There are a lot of stories to be shared and a lot more to be listened to.  I am full of gratitude :)

For a long time I felt like I led a bit of a double life.

I worked by day as a palliative care nurse.  I spent many hours at the bedside with families and caring for people who were nearing the end of their life.  By night I often was sewing and learning choreography which almost always climaxed with a jubiliant, dynamic and glittering pastie reveal.  Not many people whom I worked with knew the details of my creative life and few of my sequined family knew the details of my professional life, both rich and full as they were.

For many years I couldn't quite explain why palliative care nursing and burlesque stripteasing existed so harmoniously together for me.  When my "life plan" (ha!) fell apart last year I searched everywhere to understand how my passions could fit together with my work.  I could not for the life of me figure out how creativity / sexuality overlapped with wellness / dying.  I thank my lucky stars that I bumped into Alex Baisley whose keen listening and insight helped me connect the dots.

Here are the beginning reflections about how death & burlesque are connected for me:

 Burlesque is a fascinating, multi-faceted art form.  For me, neoburlesque became an important way of discovering and celebrating my body.  I became more myself, grew to deeply appreciate my physicality and learned to rock my curves after a youth of mass media influenced self-doubt & scrutinity.  Burlesque also allowed me to explore the sexuality and creative expression.  My incredible peers shared experience, skills, knowledge and passion for me to express with increasing freedom.  Performing burlesque became a profoundly awesome coming of age for which I am deeply grateful.  I learned to delightfully embody femininity.  Then I learned to play and explore, freeing myself from rigid gender identities and celebrated this thoroughly.  Best of all, thanks to burlesque, I learned that I could be whatever I wanted and hilariously enough, the world loves dirty, stripteasing anthropomorphic bananas. 

More importantly, I found that performing and the burlesque community were an important means for me to keep balanced in my demanding field of work. Burlesque connected me to an amazing community of inspiring artists, audience, photographers, costumers and make-up artists.  At once I had a large, beautiful, sparkling, international family who continue to challenge and enrich my creative life through their dynamic evolution and passion.  

Dancing dorky orange at Screaming Chicken Theatrical 
Society's Taboo Revuve, photo by Greg McKinnon (2011)

Performing burlesque also became an honouring ritual for me over time.  I would think of people who I had been fortunate enough to work with and allow my emotions to flow through my performance.  This helped me transform any grief and heaviness I carried into joy, love and wonderment as a tribute to their unique lives.  It may sound grandiose, especially since I often danced as plush fruit, but for me, it was sincere and profoundly helpful as part of my self-care.   

I'm inspired to share this because next week is the 8th Annual Vancouver International Burlesque Festival:  May 2nd to 4th.  It's one of my favorite times of the year because it brings together the local phenomenal talent with some of the finest international burlesque talent.

I highly encourage you to go and enjoy an evening of burlesque as this will be some of the finest onstage all year.  There's nothing like watching some amazing burlesque to make you come alive in more ways than one :)

In effervescent cheeky delight,

POST SCRIPT INSPIRATIONS
I love sharing.  I would like to share an awesome infographic and article which prompted me to compose these words.

I love this.  I'm all about infographic edutainment these days.  Thanks so much to justrandomdesigns for turning this fantastic Guardian UK article which captures the Top 5 Regrets of the Dying, as shared by Australian palliative care nurse Bonnie Ware (2012).

Next I'd like to introduce you to Jes, The Militant Baker:

She wrote anwesome blog post called Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls ... So I Will  which I wish someone had given me when I was a young suffering teenager.  In one fell swoop she captures things that were years of "aha!" moments for me, particularly through the awesome route of burlesque :) Jes is AWESOME :)