NOTES POST PERSONAL PANDEMIC DEATHS
Reflections from Early 2024 Onward

My last update, immediately below (titled "Lineage + Inheritance") was written immediately before my beloved father suddenly and unexpectedly died of a massive stroke. I was fully present with him for the 36 hours between the discovery of his stroke and his last breath. Though I have been present for hundreds of deaths prior to his, the goodbye + intimate navigation of my beloved father's exit from this world rattled me deeply. As life would have it, my father's death was the first of a series of 7 deaths in my family, including the death of my marriage that had preceded in January 2018, lasting until January 2021. I called this the "Death Bootcamp" phase of my life and I adventured through the embodied experience of physical grief while also working as a palliative resource nurse for long-term care homes through the peak phases of the COVID-19 pandemic. During this time the role of family caregiver emerged to be an integral part of my identity + aspect of practical life navigation as I witnessed the impact of grief, mental health, physical frailty + generational trauma crystallize in a loved one in the wake of these profound internal and external world changes.

I have not had much bandwidth to outwardly share or express the tender, heartbreaking, sometimes hilarious, mostly demanding + always incredible wonder of moving through this chapter of my life. Admittedly, after my father died, my whole existential architecture fell to pieces and for a time, I felt utterly disconnected to anything beyond making sure my immediate family and friends were tended to. In late 2021 I learned how important it is to make sure that I also tend to myself through the adventure of having what the memes call a Menty B, also known as burning out both personally and professionally. 

I share this to honour the silence and passage of time in these pages, in this website that was borne more than 10 years ago as a seed dream of integrative soul work. I am delighted to share with you that in reviewing my body of work in these pages and beyond, my mission + vision remains with crystal clarity, deepened with the learnings of the past years. The commitment I have to my work remains ever present and even deepened with the urgency to address systemic issues that uphold the barriers to care of the self while alive during our most "productive" years and care of our loved ones when they are actively dying in the hours, days, weeks to months before their last breaths.

This is a long way to say : I've been away. Now, I am here. 
In this next phase of the great art that is my life, I ask my ancestors + my other-side-posse to guide me to be the embodiment of impactful, efficient, joyous and delicious service with every breath that I have. 
In love + care,
February 2024 | Year of the Wood Dragon

LINEAGE + INHERITANCE
Reflections As 2018 Unfolds

From November 2016 onward, my perspective on how I view myself in context to my community and my work have and continue to shift profoundly.  I intend to explore, integrate and acknowledge the colonial, historical, political + cultural influences that have unconsciously shaped my narrative. I intend to extricate heternormative patriarchal forces, internalized oppression and perpetuation of economic colonialism from the realities that I create through thought, word + action. I reclaim my narrative! I acknowledge injustice + I witness healing. I stand solely responsible for my thoughts, words + actions. I will live + create what is beyond my own limited imagining, guided by my ancestors. I stand for the reclamation of personal sovereignty with the purpose of strengthening the community: we are greater than the sum of our parts. I am part of the Vietnamese diaspora - a queer first generation settler born on unceded xʷməθkʷəy̓əm, sel̓ílwitulh, and Sḵwx̱wú7mesh territory also known as Vancouver, Canada. From this place, with all of my being, I lean forward with courage, humility + incandescent joy.
There is work to be done. May it be incendiary. May it be easy.
I am no martyr.
I alone reserve the right to choose when or if I will suffer and for what purpose.
I know who I am. I know how I serve. I am here.
I know who you are. I know how you serve. You are free.
With love + deepest respect,
Acknowledgements:
My words + conviction come to me through the living testament and wisdom of many teachers. I would like to acknowledge their continued influence on my growth + evolution. This is by no means an exhaustive list, merely a humble and necessary acknowledgement of the profound ways we are able to inspire each other. I honour each one of you with deep gratitude: April 2018

HOW DID I GET HERE?
On Fears as a Child + Reincarnation as a Service-Minded Spoon
To me, living and dying are inextricably interconnected.  It is something that deeply resonates because when I was 10 years old I was obsessed with and terrified of dying.  At this time in my life my mother, who immigrated to Canada as a boat person from Vietnam, was struggling with her own questions of mortality.  She had been told by a palm reader that she would die young and her sombre musings became my anxious first ponderings about death.

I was quite worried and heart-sick until it occurred to me that if I were to die, 
I could ask God to send me back to Earth as a spoon!  My childhood logic speculated that spoons could take a lot of wear and tear without pain and suffering.  I imagined myself as a resilient, jubilant spoon in the next life, invincible against sink garburators and fated to a lifetime of useful service.  This was a revelatory moment for me:  I would become a spoon!  This image of Joan-the-Spoon seemed to be the seed of a life long process of blooming 
wherein I could embrace death as a natural process of living with some ease, humor and comfort. 

20 years later, it seems I have found my own unique path to be a spoon.
It is amazing how modern palm reading has become so elegantly woven into my work, moving from prophetic family history to my own living breathing practice that deals with death by amplifying love of life.

#themagicisreal
October 2014



​CAN YOU PREDICT WHEN SOMEONE WILL DIE WITH HAND READING?
How My Mother Survived Her ''Fortune Telling''
(+ Why Hand Analysis Empowers You to Create Your Own FutureThrough Awareness, Choice and Action)
My first video / August 2015